wondered y?

so as i'm sitting here at home pondering life... and i was looking at the old pics and the diary i rote a year back...thot of sharing it here...

"Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart. If you don't, you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own, when you least expect it, or even when you don't want it to. Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much for fear that the other person doesn't care as much, or even at all. Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we're afraid, afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have been, or could have done..."we all take risk, we took them in the past we take them now and we will continue in the future."

lost love is still love

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory.
Memory becomes your partner. You nuture it. You hold it. You dance with it."

tag

i have been tagged for the first time....thank you sourish
here it goes


1. Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
friends,family and dreams

2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.

3.If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
tht was easy
annie,ashu and sourish :)

4.Where is the place that you want to go the most?
in his arms :)

5.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
nly 1 dream....nah i have so mny n i wnt all of dem to cum true..

6. Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
no regrets.

7.What are you afraid to lose the most?
i was afraid to loose his love n have lost it.

8.What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
would give him all the money so tht he starts his own business (dis is his dream)

(condition : the briefcase contains all 1000rs. notes)

9.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
hmmmm not directly but my actions wud speak...

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you...
talkative...talkative and talkative

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Loyal...understanding and loves me...thts it (i dont expect much ;) )

12.Which type of person do you hate the most?
i can never hate nyone....

13.What is your ambition?
to have a happy life and see the ppl around me happy...

14.What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
who am i to judge

15.Christmas is coming, who do you like to celebrate with?
are u talkin abt next Christmas....pata nhi

16.If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?
wud invent a medicine to cure heartbreak....n wud share it wid all my friends who r heartbroken :)

17.Are you a shopaholic or no?
yes of course i am a girl....how can such a stupid question be asked to a girl.....???

18.What is your stress buster?
passing the stress to others ;) lol

19. What should be done to people who make such long tags..
tag then 100 times

20.do u believe in love?
no LOVE IS JUST AN ILLUSION

i am breaking the chain....not passing this to nyone on my blogroll... have already read similar tags on their blogs...dnt wnt to irritate dem (dont forget to thank me 4 this....)

How many times??????

How many times
will u make me cry?
How many times
will u watch me die?
How many times
will i fall apart?
How many times
will u break my heart?

How many times
will i seek advice?
How many times
will i fall in love?
How many times
will i look at the sky?
How many times
will i wonder why?

How many times
will i see you again?
How many times
will i never begin?
How many times
will i be speechless?
How many times
will moments be priceless?

How many times
will my heart ship a beat?
How many times
will i be incomplete?

How many times
will i loose my mind?
How many times
will love make me blind?
How many times
will i catch my breath?
How many times
will i witness death?

How many times
will i write?
How many times
will i fight?
How many times
will i be confused?
How many times
will i be used?

How many times
will i need to disappear?
How many times
will i have to fear?
How many times
will i see my fate?

How many times
will there be a method to my madness?
How many times
will i sit alone in sadness?
How many times
will i survive?
How many times
will i feel alive....?

national leaders tree

It is good to see how creative artists can get.. here is an exceptional image of a tree with pictutes of 10 great indian leaders of all time embedded in it.

Life at 20 something......

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

stories i tell..

Don't give me answers for I would refuse
"yes" is a word for which I have no use
And I wasn't looking for heaven or hell
Just someone to listen to stories I tell

Now what is a blessing and what is a dream
Caught between portraits and none's what it seems
And why is it people expect there's a change
When I feel I'm a part of something I can't see
I feel the same

Now don't ask me questions or I will retreat
Fame is a cancer and ego its seed
Now I wasn't looking for heaven or hell
Just someone to listen to stories I tell

Do we ever wonder?
And do you ever care...

Subtle salvation in poems we know
Hiding our heads in a shadow of home
Now I wasn't looking for wreaths or for bells
Just someone to listen to stories I tell
Stories I tell

its only words!!!!

i am here in my bed,counting all the words you said to me,
my efforts to go away from you are pushin me towards u..
those words u once said..


"i cannot see tears in yr eyes"
"nisha i think i like you"
" u r so cute"
"i....love you"
"can i kiss you"
"i want u forever"
"i want to see you right now"
"u look s*** in yr nightwear"
"wake me at six"
"you r my good luck charm"
"i want u to meet my friends"
"give me a picture of yours"
"u r my poochu"(this is what he calls me...sorry called me)
"poochu dont be late"
"i dont want u to booze"
"y does yr male friend talk to you in a flirtatious way"
"u make me mad"
"its about 'us'"
"i dont love you for yr outer beauty,u r beautiful inside"
"bachaa grow up"
"take care of my nisha when i am not around"
"i am missing u badly"
"poochu y r we away"
"kisse do"
"call karo na plz"
"i need to talk to u b4 going to bed"
"i want to talk to mom about you"
"i wanted to hear u"
"baby i want to marry you"
"mere poochu ki tabiyat bahut kharaab hai...plz see a doctor"
"i want to buy u something wid my first salary"
"i want a studio apartment for us"
"i want 2 cute lilltle kids"
"poochu i am sorry for last night"
"the thought of you going away from me,kills me"
"i will give you a sweet little puppy"
"baby plz support me,i need you"
"i am very happy with you"
"miss me"
"tell yr friends tht i pamper u too"
"poochu dont cry,we will meet soon"
"come to me rite now"
"gussa ho"
"plz forgive me"
"u have the most beautiful eyes"
"i am so happy we r meeting tomorrow"
"baby i missed you so much"
"this time i will take u along"
"u look good today"
"man.. i love your eyes"
"i have to go tomorrow"
"i will miss you"
"i dont know when will we meet next".....

and time just flew...

words u speak now..
"i am busy"
"i need to concentrate on my work"
"i dont have time for love rite now"
"gimme some space"
"y do u want to know where am i,n where i have to go"
"i am tired,want to doze off"
"be pratical nisha"
"y do u alwez start with this nonsense act of yours"
"i dont want to marry"
"i am still happy"
"noone is indispensible"
"i am tired of the fights"
"i dont get time for myself"
"go out with your friends"
"i cannot come and meet you"
"i have this one year to achieve what i want"
"plz dont disturb me"
"its about u and menot 'us'"
"gimme a break nisha"
"i dont feel the love nymore"
"i cannot speak to you everyday"
"i dont love you nymore.....i dont love you nymore....i dont love you nymore.....i dont love you nymore.....i dont love you nymore...

the last sentence still echoes.....

happy and sad

I've been going through the whole mixed episode, rapid cycling sort of thing. I'm not sure if I have my definitions right, I just know that I can go from happy to sad to excited to angry topeaceful to a crying jag within about few hours. Those emotions really don't go along with a steady life...

i am happy today for so many reasons...
today was LOHRI....we dnt celebrate it at home but went to my friends place for the celebrations....it was colourful with loud music,fireworks,bonfire,good food....and ofcourse great company.....after 12:00am i had 2 important things to do...it was b'de of 2 of my dearest ppl....one is my closest friend MINI and my sister-in-law,ISHA(bhabhi:she is of my age and we r like friends)....i had to make both of dem feel special....my friend was along with me in the party...i cud do a very small thing for her,i went to the dj and asked him to play a b'de song at 12,she was embarrassed by my act but then felt special....i was home at 12:30am....had only an hour to arrange everything(b4 she sleeps ;)....i decorated the room with candles and lots n lots of balloons(my room :( coz i had to surprise her).....i switched off the lights,gave her a call n asked her to come to my room...she entered in and was surprised....we cut the cake and i gave her the gifts....i have been shopping for her from last 2 days....she was overjoyed n i cud see tears in her eyes(khushi ke aansu)....i was so happy to see her happy....i like giving surprises...this was the first time i cud do something for her b'de n wanted it to be special....
n tomorrow i will surely do something very special for mini.....


and now why am i sad....
because this the first time tht i was happy and i didnt have nyone to share with.....am missing him....i want to tell him tht i was happy.....i want to tell everything....but i know i cannot....am missing him a lotttttt.....i have dis uncanny feeling of tellin him everything good happening to me...
I MISS HIM IN TIMES WHEN I AM SAD BUT MISS HIM THE MOST WHEN I AM HAPPY.....

STAB ME.

PUNCH ME,
HIT ME,
HATE ME,
STAB ME,
BUT
TELL ME
ITS A 'NIGHTMARE'

WINTER BLUES SYNDROME!!!

have u ever heard abt winter blues syndrome????
yesterday while watching television i heard dis term for the first time....
after hearing the symptoms,i thought tht even i am a victim of this seasonal disorder...
WINTER BLUES SYNDROME is a seasonal affective disorder....there r behavioral changes the cause is the "SEASON"....
the symptoms i cud relate to were
1.loss of energy
2.depression
3.anxiety
4.irritability
5.loss of concentration

Seasonal affective disoder is more commonly considered a winter disorder. Thus the name "Winter Blues." The farther north you live, the more common the disorder becomes.. As the days become shorter, and winter storms often hide what little sun there is, people begin to drag through life. There is a desire to sleep, not eight or ten hours, but almost continually. It's almost like your body wants to hibernate.

i just wanted to mention this disorder here coz many of us wud never even heard of nything like seasonal disorder n wud be suffering from it....

If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review

If you want to know how good TZP is, just go to your nearest theater and watch the people coming out after the show. . I know only Aamir can make a film like TZP. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like?


If Karan Johar made TZP

Obvious starcast:
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).



It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
It would have one dance number .
The film would be titled ' Kuch Taare Zameen Par.'

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made TZP

Obvious starcast:
Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.
Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets . The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls
The film would cost 60 crores .

If Rakesh Roshan made TZP

Obvious starcast:
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher , and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
The film's name would again start with a K.. probably ' Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par' .
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

This part of the post was send to me by a blogmate zahid,this is equally humorous.
If mahesh bhatt made TZP.
Cast: Emraan Hashmi as the teacher
Mother : Mallika sherawat
Father : Kay kay menon

And obvious there would be a big role for the other tulip school teacher jabeen as the other woman !!! And finally a childrens movie will be given an A certificate !!!

illuminated manuscript!!!!!!!

i dont want my blog to look dullsville......i want it to be more bright joyful....tht will surely help me reduce my stress level....and i promise tht very soon my blog will be happy.....it will be more colourful.....i will make good friends here n i know i will be HAPPY again....and my blog will be an illuminated manuscript!!!!!! :)

whats happening to me!!!!

.......i am happy today......am i???
whom am i lying to???
actually i want to be happy....met my friends today....went out with dem....
had my favourite food(panipuri).....did everything which i otherwise enjoyed
BUT
BUT
something was missing.....hmmmmm every joy was missing...
u were not there....
"M" u know how much i love you,everything is just incomplete without u....
hve a habit to come to you n tell to everything....even those silly things....AHHHH!!!! i know u remember everything....
i just want to dedicate a song to you.....

Where ever you go,
Whatever you do,
I will be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes,
Or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you.

Depressed :(

Things are really bad.

I was so motivated these last few days but i hit a rough patch and I'm back where I started.

I have so many emotions going on in me now.

This break up has triggered something deep within me.

I feel so down its sickening.
I double cheked online and most of what I'm going through now are sympthons of depression.

Feeling sad on a continous basis, lack of energy, no desire to get involved or do fun things anymore, crying and getting angry at end.

I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't believe that i was crying...

I can't believe that I was crying..
I dunno why.. but lately, I just like to cry..
And that is one of the reasons why I decided to blog.. Gosh, why does it have to be like this? I hate this, feeling so helpless... I thought I can handle it but I can't... I can't.. and I hated that.. I knew that this would and could happen.. but what did I do?.. Nuthin.. I didn't do anything to stop myself from getting into this problem..

The more I think about it.. the more I feel stupid..
I can't believe that I can be such a paranoid... I'm in between realizing the reality and the dream.
What if what I have always thought about all of this time is not the reality....
What if all of this is just going to be in my dreams...
What if I am denying all of it..
What if I am being naive..
What if I am covering the truth..
What if I don't want to see what's there...
What if I am lying to myself all of this time..

I dunno anymore.. I'm confused..

I'm so lost..

Should I end this?
What am I doing?

I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm sick and tired of all this.
I don't see in any point of continuing this.
What for?
What's in it?

Gosh, can I just open my eyes and see out there..