If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review

If you want to know how good TZP is, just go to your nearest theater and watch the people coming out after the show. . I know only Aamir can make a film like TZP. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like?


If Karan Johar made TZP

Obvious starcast:
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).



It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
It would have one dance number .
The film would be titled ' Kuch Taare Zameen Par.'

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made TZP

Obvious starcast:
Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.
Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets . The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls
The film would cost 60 crores .

If Rakesh Roshan made TZP

Obvious starcast:
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher , and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
The film's name would again start with a K.. probably ' Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par' .
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

This part of the post was send to me by a blogmate zahid,this is equally humorous.
If mahesh bhatt made TZP.
Cast: Emraan Hashmi as the teacher
Mother : Mallika sherawat
Father : Kay kay menon

And obvious there would be a big role for the other tulip school teacher jabeen as the other woman !!! And finally a childrens movie will be given an A certificate !!!